“You never close your eyes anymore when I kiss your lips
And there's no tenderness like before in your fingertips”
-“You’ve Lost That Lovin’ Feeling”
I often wondered as a kid, what this song was about. Was it that his woman did not love him anymore? Perhaps she no longer found him attractive? She has another lover? Who knows?
My experience shows a different possibility.
Let us assume that Shakti is not your Tantric lover. Let us say that she is not the Divine Love Goddess. That Shakti reveals herself through a window that your partner has opened.
There are many different scenarios and situations leading to a form of kundalini awakening. The conditions have to be there to allow the two snakes to uncoil themselves. This can be an awareness of the woman. The intellect can be a driver. We men may kid ourselves that we are responsible.
The fact is that a woman can open the window to allow you to experience Shakti, the true Divine Love Goddess. And she can close it again. Just like that.
This can come as a shock. A blow to the ego, if you are still carrying one around. When she is no longer interested in making love. When it appears that she has gone cold on you. A million thoughts can pass through your mind. “What am I doing wrong?”, What happened?”. “Is there somebody else?”.
Are you doing anything wrong? No, not if you are concentrating on her pleasure. If she is a Tantric lover, she would have told you that you could do better. Is there somebody else? A Tantric lover has to be empathic to allow the window to open, so she would tell you if there was, for sure. But if there is, just hope that he is a better lover than you are, because you do wish her the best. What happened? Several things are possible: Unfortunately, cultural norms affect Tantric women. It may well be that she has been in the negative atmosphere of other women who have a downer on all males. They may persuade her that she ought not to trust men. These women can be the older ones who have never experienced an awakening. Or they could be rabid feminists.
Another possibility is that your Tantric lover has had a major change in her life. These changes can be the in the form of a lifestyle change, an illness, an emotional shock or the menopause.
You may well find that although you are a good Tantric lover, you suck in other ways! Yet I think that being open and honest with each other would lead her to tell you.
Sometimes it is that your lover cannot tell you what the reason is. Only that she does not want to take part in love making. For no particular reason. That is tough.
My theory is that we as men are invoking Shiva to find Shakti and we make the mistake in assuming that our lover is Shakti. We have to understand that if the conditions exist, your lover will show you Shakti. It is this embodiment that you are making love to. You are creating cosmic energy fusions. Your lover moves to a higher level of consciousness. She is making a path available by connecting with her mind.
So, what to do?
If you are friends with your lover, you need to show understanding. Give her room and time. Perhaps leave her alone completely for a while. Her window may open again – it may not. If it doesn’t, it is sad. This is Shakti in her role as the Great Destroyer. It hurts. You feel devastated. You feel that everything was perfect. That it should last forever. You want to go back in time and do something to avert the present situation.
If you have to move on, understand this. Your lover was never yours. She was the vehicle for Shakti. She opened a window for you. The window closes with this lover. It will open another place.
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